What's in a Name?

As you may notice, I haven't ventured to actually use this blog to, well, blog. I've been rather busy, you guessed it, SUBSTITUTING! I had the pleasure of working with a second grade class for the majority of the first semester, but I was still stuck with that dreadful title: substitute.

There's just something off about that name. Nobody wants to have a substitute. Nobody really wants to be a substitute, for that matter. Sometimes I'm in a position for several weeks--doing all the work--all the scolding, reminding, prodding, planning, all the hundreds of stars and happy faces that must be pasted on even the most banal worksheet--and still, I am merely the substitute. Expected to do much more, but referred to as much less.

Would the stigma of a "substitute" smell as sweet by any other name? Sometimes I wonder. Using advice that I commonly give students, I looked up the word in the dictionary in hopes of finding a better one.

sub·sti·tute noun \ˈsəb-stə-ˌtüt,-ˌtyüt\: a person or
thing that takes the place or function of another

Synonyms: backup, cover, designated hitter, fill-in, pinch hitter, relief, replacement, reserve, stand-in, sub, alternate, understudy; apology, makeshift, stopgap, surrogate.

I have to admit, Webster got it right. As a substitute, you are a makeshift, stopgap measure used to stand-in until the rightful teacher can return to his or her throne. Sometimes I feel like the back-up, the understudy who can only pinch-hit instead of being in the regular line-up. When I was actually in elementary school, I wasn't chosen for the regular line-up either!

But, enough complaining. Someday I know I'll make it to the majors (a.k.a. Being in a school district long enough to join the teacher's union and be a fully-trained staff member allowed to use both the laminator and the Ellison machine.) However, until then, I know that some one has to be the surrogate-alternate that can fill in for Mrs. SoandSo or Mr. BlahBlah. And, let's face it, sometimes I actually am better than the tired old starting line-up.

Well, that was quite a pep-talk to myself. Sometimes you just need to look yourself in the mirror and say, "Damn, you look good. You're the real thing." And when I'm done with all that blathering on, it's time to go be a substitute. I am the relief, the reserve stock, for the teacher who sorely needs a personal day or has to stay home with her sick child. Granted, I am also a walking target--but I'm perfecting my mean teacher glare. It's part of the on-the-job training for a substitute.

Maybe they could change it to Super-Stand-In. Or I-can't-believe-it's-not-Mrs.-Coffee-Breath! But those don't have quite the right ring to them, do they? Suggestions?